


Unfinished message

by moonlight_nina



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Post-Canon Banana Fish, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shorter Wong Lives, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 15:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_nina/pseuds/moonlight_nina
Summary: Ash admired Eiji for his ability to fly, so Eiji decided to fly one more time just for him.My idea of an alternative ending for Banana Fish and Eiji's background history.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 7
Kudos: 137





	Unfinished message

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags before you start reading as this story may be triggering for some of you!  
If you still want to continue, I hope to see you in the ending notes and feel free to express your opinions.

_Ash has been stabbed._

The words were still lingering in his mind. Even after all these years, thoughts of Ash have never left his mind.

It’s been four years, four years of hard work for Eiji Okumura. No one knew the ugly sides of the precious Japanese, the sides he hid from the world.

Despite the overall assumption, Eiji’s life was a constant struggle. His family did little to support him. On Eiji’s tenth birthday his parents announced their separation. Shortly after everything was formalised, Eiji and his younger sister were left at their grandma’s front door. The elderly woman was already too fatigued to take care of and provide for the siblings. Eiji, therefore had to forgo his childhood dreams and become a steady figure for his remaining family.

Before the pole-vaulting became an option Eiji was taking every opportunity given to him by fate to make some money. It began with his neighbours taking pity on the Okumura family. They gave him small amounts for taking away and segregating their trash, mowing their lawns and occasionally helping with cleaning. By no means, it was enough to allow his family to live a comfortable life, but it was enough to survive.

Eiji was given such a large and overwhelming baggage at the very beginning of his journey. He did not understand why he was the only one struggling and suffering while his peers were all enjoying their lives. He couldn’t understand it. He didn’t think his bad mood and exhaustion were showing until his little sister pointed it out one evening.

“You’re not smiling, and your eyes aren’t shining like little stars anymore.” she said with a sad smile.

This was his wake-up call. He was a burden to his already suffering family, how could he let his sister worry about him. She was just a child. It didn’t matter that in fact, Eiji himself was also just a kid.

Starting from that day Eiji Okumura never let himself show his suffering or troubles. He never allowed himself to cry or show weakness in front of others. The exception was crying quietly while everyone at the house was asleep so that they wouldn’t hear. They wouldn’t know. He promised to himself that he’ll never be a burden to his beloved people again.

Then a major breakthrough came for the young boy and his family. Pole-vaulting. Due to his exceptional skills, Eiji in a blink of an eye was taken into professional training. It appeared as if out of nowhere Eiji was surrounded by trainers, doctors and other professionals. All of them had one goal – to make Eiji the best pole vaulter in Japan and maybe even in the world. With the high expectations for the boy, the exhausting routine arrived as soon as a blink. Eiji was pushed into a hurricane or an ocean with no ways of getting out.

It was only then when they realised something was wrong. When his doctors started controlling his daily life, they noticed in what a miserable state the boy was.

Quick tests, quick diagnosis. Treatment? Medicines.

“He’s a pole vaulter! Our future! He cannot go to your damn hospital for weirdoes!”

That was the reason. Eiji was supposed to be a champion, he couldn’t spare even a second of his life to take care of himself. There was also no one who cared for him. He was like a little puppet directed by his so-called team.

By the age of sixteen, Eiji has already become a well-known name in Japan. A walking legend, their champion. With the number of trophies and medals he had, his family finally lived, it was no longer only about survival, they lived and enjoyed their days. With his sister attending school and his grandma having a personal carer Eiji could focus on his career.

He could.

It all felt forced, all felt as if it was not him inside his body, as if he didn’t have a choice nor anything to say. Whatever he was told to do, he’d do. He stopped thinking about himself, stopped caring. He didn’t matter anyway. As long as he brought back home a medal, he was all good.

The success could not beat depression. And depression befriended self-hate. Along the way, self-harming joined the club.

The increasing number of scares on his arms was ignored. Long-sleeved clothes and bandages were doing their job perfectly. He was also telling stories and creating lies to cover the real reason behind the scarring but soon he noticed that as long as he jumped high enough, nothing else mattered. So, he kept on going, until the amount of pressure and stress was too much to handle. Until the voices in his head were louder than the voices of his trainers or doctors. He could hear his psychologist words somewhere in the back of his head.

“Eiji, your meds are necessary for you. Please remember to take one pill per day and no more than one. These are pretty strong so be careful.”

He was careful with his medications taking his daily dose religiously. He was not careful with the razors.

When the accident happened and Eiji was told to give up on pole-vaulting time for him stopped. Or maybe it hasn’t been moving for a long time already? The sole reason for his existence was taken away, his way of providing for his family was suddenly not there anymore. It didn’t make sense. Eiji didn’t make sense. He was a failure, not only was he considered as such by his close ones but also by his trainers and all the people who put their efforts into making him the best. He let down the whole of Japan that was waiting for its champion to bring back beautiful medals and shining trophies.

He failed.

At the age of eighteen, Eiji Okumura had his first attempt at suicide. Unsuccessful.

The steps taken to prevent something like that from happening again? The steps to help the pole-vaulting star with a shattered mind?

Three weeks of rest and even stronger medication. Obviously, that’d be enough, right?

Eiji became numb. He was like a machine just fulfilling the orders given. He was not living his life.

_But has he ever really lived?_

The demons in his head didn’t go away, the razor was still in his hands and from time to time it only switched places with a pole. It was as if he was left alone in the darkness with no ways of running away. When Eiji was counting days to when he can finally close his eyes and never open them up again, Ibe Shunichi came along and brought him to New York.

Despite everything that happened there, for Eiji, it was the most exhilarating time in his life, for the first time he experienced freedom. No one knew about his struggles; some even thought his life had been perfect all along. They thought that the moment he met the blond teen was the beginning of a catastrophe. But they didn’t know. They didn’t know it was a perfect opportunity to hide his demons deep inside him without being judged.

He acted as if his life was ideal. Comparing to the lives of the gang members and the young leader Eiji couldn’t help but think that he was exaggerating his pain all along. He had no right to complain when others were going through unimaginable things and were suffering so much more than him.

When everything was over and he was brought back to Japan, he thought that at least now Ash won’t have to deal with him, that the blond will have one less burden on his shoulders. But as soon as he landed, he heard the words he never wanted to hear.

_Ash has been stabbed._

The person his heart was beating for was gone. Disappeared like the sun behind the horizon and never came back.

But Eiji remembered how impressed Ash was when he jumped over that wall. He even admired Eiji saying that he could fly.

So Eiji decided to fly for the last time. For him.

For four years he’s been preparing himself. For four years he worked hard to keep his promise to his beloved and himself.

The promise to bring back the gold medal from the Olympics.

The promise he managed to keep in the end. In the end, he could meet with Ash with a smile on his face and show him the medal he especially won for him.

It’s been four long years filled with constant battles with himself and his past. First of all, he did not expect to survive after Lao stabbed him. He was awaiting death while clutching onto Eiji’s letter. How surprised the teen was when he woke up in a hospital bed with his body hurting all over.

He survived and decided – or more like he was forced by Max and Shorter – to start the recovery process. It was a long and exhausting journey, rarely pleasurable but there were moments worth celebration like when the frequency of his nightmares went down. One of the first steps to the full recovery was to end this chapter of his life. He did so by stepping down as a gang leader what resulted in an official gang disbandment. They all decided to maybe try living normal lives, or at least tried to achieve some level of normalcy. It wasn’t easy but during these four years they somehow managed to get to the point where they could all meet in one place without guns or knives hidden in their clothes.

Ash’s personal recovery was going pretty well and since it was going well Shorter started his own “Ash’s recovery mission”. Its main objective was for Ash to get out of his shell and admit that he had feelings for Eiji. Because, according to Shorter, everyone could tell how much Eiji meant to Ash and that it was way more than just simple friendship. Also, because he believed Eiji would be a great help in getting Ash out of his traumas.

One day while both of them were sitting on the couch in the living room of their shared apartment, Shorter started reminiscing the past and obviously had to mention Eiji. He kept on talking until clearly annoyed Ash interrupted him.

“When will you stop interrogating me about Eiji? It’s been years, he’s in Japan living his perfect live, end of the discussion.” said Ash while massaging his temples.

Shorter could be incredibly stubborn when it came to his ‘love’ for the Japanese boy.

“I’ll stop when you admit that he’s the love of your life.”

Ash’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his skull after hearing his friend’s response. It wasn’t like Ash didn’t want to admit his feelings, he just didn’t see the point of doing so. Eiji was gone, Ash could go on top of the highest skyscraper in New York and scream his lungs hoarse with love confessions for the cute boy and it still wouldn’t change a damn thing.

“Even if I were to admit that he’s special to me, what would it change?” he asked after a while.

“Well, you’d be with Eiji? Maybe going on cute dates with him? You know, as for the man with such high IQ, I’d say you suck at solving the easiest problems, man.”

Yeah, he sucked at allowing himself to feel loved.

Therefore, not long after, a whole team had to be established in order to help the poor boy. The team consisted of Shorter, Max, Jessica, Sing and two former members of his gang – Alex and Kong who were previously assigned a task to protect Eiji.

After many attempts and hours of arguments, the specially formed team came to the conclusion that it was necessary to bring Eiji back to New York and sent the two on a romantic date during which Ash would confess his love and they’ll live happily ever after.

Everything was going smoothly when suddenly the news broke that Eiji Okumura won a gold medal at the Olympics and the squad had to put even more effort into convincing Ash to go along with their initial plan. Ash was sure that now that Eiji was a star there was no way for them to be together. He refused to talk to Eiji at all and told his helpers to forget about him confessing.

So instead of directly talking to Eiji, Max came up with an idea to call Ibe and get the information from him. Maybe they’d manage to incorporate him in their plan to bring Eiji back to Ash. It’d be easier to create a reason why they should come to New York. Something like a photography exhibition would be enough, they thought.

However, nothing could prepare them to hear what Ibe had to say. Or rather they were not prepared to hear his cries at the other side after they mentioned Eiji’s name.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Eiji… he… I had no idea! No one knew!” Shunichi tried to communicate as best as he could, but his tears couldn’t stop falling and his hiccups were mangling with his words. After a short break and unbearable silence he continued.

“Eiji… Eiji’s gone.”

_Eiji’s gone._

Eiji loved Ash.

Ash learnt to love himself.

Ash loved Eiji.

But Eiji couldn’t love himself.

Eiji loved Ash, his Aslan.

And he wanted to be with him.

Forever.

Because Ash didn’t judge him,

Because with Ash all his demons disappeared,

Because with Ash, the voices in his head couldn’t be heard,

Because Ash gave him freedom,

Because Ash gave him love.

_ Ash has been stabbed._

No one told him anything else.

No one told him Ash survived.

Ash has been stabbed,

And Eiji wanted to be by his side.

Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!  
This is my very first attempt at writing in English so constructive feedback is very welcomed. It's also been a while since I've written literally anything so go easy on me, please.  
Thank you for reading.  
Nina
> 
> PS I've created ko-fi! If you wish you can support me through this link:  
https://ko-fi.com/moonlight_nina


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